Yes. I realize someone who works in digital marketing should know better. But… God DAMN it!
I should start by assigning the proper amount of blame to myself. Yes, I should know better than shopping on my phone at 3 am. And, yes, I definitely should know better than doing it after a goodly amount of Maker’s Mark. But still. God DAMN it!
Before you judge me, it’s important to know that about 26% of surveyed people admit to shopping in a similar state. So, I’m part of a thriving sub-economy.
But, that still doesn’t make me feel any better, nor get me my $80.00 back.
Here’s what happened and what I learned.
Oh, Those Are Nice
I was in the market for new boots and wanted a pair of distressed brown leather ones to match my rugged good looks. I’ve been through a lot, please humor me on that last part.
I’d been to a few stores and looked at a few sites. And because we live in a creepy-as-hell time, my Instagram feed lit up with ads for boots.
As I lied on the couch, chugging bedtime Gatorade, these boots caught my eye.
They’re nice, eh? Boy, I wish I had them!
Sadly, I do not. I am a tit who makes impulse buys, without asking some pretty crucial questions. Did I do any research to see if I was dealing with a scam site? Did I read reviews from satisfied/ dissatisfied customers to inform my purchase decision? Nope, the fact that this ad was on Instagram was quite enough legitimacy for 3-AM-Ryan to give them his fucking credit card number.
10:30-AM-Ryan awoke and surveyed the damage that 3-AM-Ryan did the night before. He checked his phone and saw that a pair of boots were ordered. “Well, damn it. That’s probably not great.”
I did a bit of digging around and didn’t see anything that proved it was a scam site. However, I certainly didn’t see anything that proved it wasn’t. “It might be OK, right?”
However, the next day, I got an email that says my boots had been loaded on a boat and will be shipped from China. They even gave me a tracking number for China Post to check to see if my boots’ arrival will be delayed by a dysentery outbreak or mutiny on the ship.
“Well, that’s something. Scammers don’t give you tracking numbers, right?”
Oh, COME ON!
After 2 weeks of checking the shipping status and imagining my boots playing blackjack over international waters, a pair of boots arrived. Not the ruggedly handsome pair of boots I ordered. These plastic Oshkosh b’ Fucking Gosh boots on the right.
Talk about Instagram versus reality. They arrived in the most anonymous brown box possible with no branding, while the boots themselves had no label or branding.
I Have Made a Huge Mistake
Ok, well maybe they just send me the wrong pair, right? Mmm, nope. Their site has no boots that look like the ones I received.
I started to dig around more. I looked at the boots’ product page and scrolled down to see there were now 4 reviews.
Listen, I’d love to tell you that they weren’t there when I placed my order, but 3-AM-Ryan is not a credible witness. But, I’m pretty sure even he would have thought to check. These reviews are all dated before I placed my order, but, trust me when I say these are very easy to backdate.
I discovered that these reviews were all in less-than-spectacular-English and all absolutely raved about how their delivery was exactly what they ordered.
Oh, that’s not good.
Now, I’m just hoping against hope that I can defy the odds and get my money back. Yeah no.
I emailed them to ask for a refund and received no reply. So, I reached out to them on Facebook and they quickly blocked me.
But, because I’d done nothing but click on boot ads for a week, boot ads kept coming up in my social feeds. Several of these ads featured the exact same pair of boots on other sketchy sites that no sober person should ever buy from, like something called “Keycluy,”
Reading the comments in these ads revealed that I was far from the only one who was duped, and the negative comments were erased pretty quickly. These boots are clearly the new Ponzi scheme.
So, the verdict is pretty much in at this point: I am stuck with these ratchet-ass boots.
I am aware that this blog doesn’t exactly make me look like an educated consumer. It also throws up a few other red flags about my lifestyle. I know all of this.
However, I wanted to be your cautionary fail. Hopefully, this blog can prevent this from happening to you.
Also, I really did want to tell the evil shyster shitheads at agendin.com to go fuck themselves.