Over the last year, I’ve written at least 100 blogs and web pages about cannabis. And I smoked zero weed.
I have literally no idea how to roll a joint. Seriously. My friends have tried to teach me many times over the years, mainly to laugh at me. It’s borderline impressive that I still can’t do it.
But that hasn’t stopped me from making more money writing about weed than I would by selling weed in recent months.
Canada’s recent legalization has sent thousands of startups into hyperdrive to get their businesses off the ground and into the market.
This leaves them in an absolute frenzy to build a website and publish blogs as quickly as possible, which sends them to me. Fortunately, our kick-off phone calls are less about, “Do you have any experience” and more about, “When can you get it to me.”
And thank god for that.
My Relationship With “The Pot”
To put it in Facebook terms, I’ve never been friends with Mary Jane, but we have a lot of mutual friends.
I grew up with (and still have) a goodly amount of friends who smoked weed, but it wasn’t for me. Even in high school or college.
Someone would politely offer me some and I’d tried my best to cooly answer, “Nah. M’good.” Well, m’not good. M’actually terrified of weed because m’a total spazz.
The first time I tried it at a party, I was at my most spazzy. I was in the circle, rocking back nervously, shitting my pants. The guy next to me got it towards the end near the filter and extended his hand outward. I thought he was offering for me to toke it from his hand. I’d seen people do that when there’s only a bit left. But he wasn’t. He was just taking a second.
But, I leaned over, put my god damned mouth on his hand like a maniac and sucked as hard as I could. Again, I was really unclear on how this whole weed smoking thing worked. I sucked the nub of a joint out of his fingers into my mouth, where it hit me in the back of my throat and I coughed it out onto the ground.
The rest of the circle burst out laughing and my friend said, “Maybe stick to beer, Ry.”
So, I have ever since.
Medicinal Weed: Also Not For Me
Years later, I was an adult(ish) and found myself dealing with some anxiety issues. A friend of mine recommended I try some medicinal weed. He was a regular user and insisted that these doses are controlled, customized, and, “Not like the weed we smoked in high school.” Oh, so it’s not going to hit me in the tonsils? Cool.”
He told me where his dispensary was in Toronto and I decided to give it a go. But, my teenage spazziness was just as present. As you just read, I was not the most drug savvy person when I was 18, and now I’m over 20 years removed from that level. So, I was nervous as hell and my teenage pit stains re-appeared.
I knew that they give weed to everyone at these places. But, I still had a lingering fear that they would take one look at me and say, “Yeah, fuck off, Narc.”
This thought actually went through my head: “Damn it all, I shouldn’t have got that haircut a week ago. I should have my long curly hair so I can identify with these people. If I knew a week ago that I was going to buy drugs today I would not have gotten a haircut, I can tell you that much.”
I had no idea how to even talk about weed. What the fuck was I going to say when they asked me how much I wanted? “Uh, 3. 3 weeds, please.” What was I going to say when they asked me what kind I wanted? “I don’t know. Sticky, but not sticky-icky-icky. Is that a thing? No? Ok, I’ll just leave now.”
But I must say, I was amazed at how difficult it was not. They gave me a relaxing strain for anxiety. But, I didn’t even smoke it. It sat in a margarine container in my junk drawer for a few weeks until I just gave it away to my friends. They did tell me that it was very, very good. I’m sure it was.
My Current Relationship With Mary Jane
Has writing about cannabis in recent months made me want to try it again? Nah, m’good. I’ve also written a lot about cryptocurrency too, but I’m not about to jump into that madness either.
MJ and I are more LinkedIn contacts than we are Facebook friends. We are merely coworkers, but we get along well and we’ve got a good thing going.
We’re not hanging out after hours. However, we do seem to end up at a lot of the same functions.